It Begins.

Internet porn is a beautiful thing.

Hey, stick with me on this. I may have a point.

I was born in 1967. When I was a kid, there was no internet. At least none that was available to anyone who wasn't a computer geek working for the government. As a teen, there was CompuServe and Prodigy, I suppose. But I didn't have a TRS-80 or Commodore VIC-20, the sophisticated hardware needed to contact other computers back in those days. I never even saw the internet until 1994. Hell, I was 26 years old by then.

Getting porn on the internet is easy now. In fact, it's hard not to find it. But back then it was a skill...and 1980s teens like myself perfected it. Our porn was the old-fashioned kind. The grainy, third-generation Traci Lords videotape loaned to you by a friend, the copy of Playboy smuggled in with your schoolbooks, visiting the grocery store that sold Spanish-language magazines with photos of naked boobs, carefully tuning the TV in the middle of the night to get a better picture on the scrambled Showtime channel. No cable modems, no flash video, no big-boob porn sites...and the only downloading you did was in your pants. It was a different time indeed.

After years of thinking about it, I bought my first computer in 1995...a 486sx Packard Bell running Windows 3.11. I was happy with 300 megs of hard drive space, I couldn't believe the speed of the 14.4 modem, and I was impressed that the thing came with a state-of-the-art CD-ROM drive. Not a CD burner, mind you...just a reader. The only thing I could do with the damn thing was play music CDs, and I didn't even own any at the time. The only porn available at the time was photos, and I saved all of them on 1.44-meg floppy disks. And I had hundreds of them, packed with thousands of GIFs and JPEGs of Traci Topps and Pandora Peaks. Later on I acquired a CD burner for $150, and the game was on.

But that was a long time ago, and I'm a grown man now, more or less. Perhaps a bit twisted by life experience, but no worse for the wear. The DVD was invented in 1996, and it was a few years before prices became affordable enough for me to make my own. Thanks to the internet (though for the time being I don't have a high-speed connection) I can download millions of hours of movies if I want and make my own high-quality DVDs. Dozens of services similar to Netflix will mail movies to my home...and many of them deal exlusively in porn. If I want, I can visit a new porn site every hour of every day for the rest of my life and never have to visit the same one twice.

In short, it's a wonderful time to be alive.

Oh sure...there's turmoil and strife and trouble in the world and all that crap. Always has been, I suppose. And maybe, just maybe, I'm a twisted, disgusting pervert who sees women as nothing but sex objects. I'll cop to this, it's a fair assessment. But I believe that my constant exposure to big-boob porn, as well as my lifelong obsessions with pop culture and comic books, has given me a unique perspective on life that few others share.

And that's what this new website is all about.

Boiled down to its least common denominator: it's a personal perspective on current events, filtered through a media-saturated life of TV and movie viewing, by an oversized man-boy radio geek who has 8,000 comic books, drinks beer, and loves tits.

This, then, is The Big Ass Biscuit, and my name is Randy...welcome to my world.